Official Notice - Operations Suspended · Not a real bank
Orderly Liquidation & Receivership
Caissie Reserve Bank - Operations Suspended / In Receivership
Underwriting
HALTED
Credit Facilities
FROZEN
Collateral
SEIZED
Status
RECEIVERSHIP
Suspension of All Confectionery Credit Facilities and Subprime Dairy Underwriting
By order of the Primary Shareholder, Chief Executive Officer, and Sole Loan Officer Joshua Caissie, all confectionery credit facilities and subprime dairy underwriting have been halted effective immediately.
No further loan applications will be considered. No seals will be struck. The approval stamp has been surrendered to the receivership and the thumb implant has been quarantined for the duration of proceedings.
0.0 tubs
Officially declared
-$1,044.05
CAD Confectionery Deficit / -$710.00 Net Position
0.00000015%
Backed by Poke equity
Frozen Collateral Registry
All pledged collateral frozen
All pledged collateral - botched XM1 chips, ICOM radios, poutine receipts - is frozen pending insolvency proceedings. Release will not be considered until the receivership determines whether a hand implant can be legally transferred out of a thumb webbing.
Botched XM1 RFID/NFC hand implant (right thumb webbing)
Seized. RFID still occasionally screams.
Working NExT dual-frequency chip (left hand webbing)
Seized. Both bands frozen.
ICOM ID-52A Plus VHF/UHF D-STAR Transceiver
Seized. Now hears only its own echo.
0.00000015% controlling stake in Poke
Seized. Control is theoretical.
Lifetime receipt for Uber Eats poutine order #188
Seized. Sentimental value does not redeem.
Subprime Dairy Loan Underwriting has been suspended
The interactive underwriting and approval interface is no longer available. No new simulated loans can be created, underwritten, or approved, and no treasury balance will be debited. The seal of the Sole Loan Officer is dormant until further notice.